Looking back, I wanted excitement, and she did too.
She wanted to feel "young" again. I use that in quotes because as 40 I still feel young, so I really don't know what it's like not to feel young. The relationship provided each of us with what we wanted at the time. It ran its course. My parents never said anything to me about her, but they were aware of her. My parents like everyone though. It's going to get them in trouble one day. I can't tell you how to feel, but I'm a big fan of "live and let live". You know yourself and your son far, far better than me or anyone else here.
Perhaps you truly know what's best for him. At this point though, I wouldn't vocalize anything.
Older Men Who Like Younger Women Aren't Creeps
Sometimes you have to let people make mistakes so they can learn. And may be this is one of those mistakes, or maybe it's not. May be he doesn't want kids. May be he does. May be he doesn't know yet. If he's noticeably happy when he comes back from her house, I can't find anything wrong with that. I remember those days.
You never want them to end. Be happy for your son. Just my two cents from my own meandering experiences.
Stop Missing Dating Opportunities
I was in this situation about 30 or so years ago My mum started dating a man who was 18 when she was 31 and I was about 5. They stayed together for about 10 years. He was like a cool uncle to me, going to art school and riding a motorcycle. They really were in love for a time.
He ended up marrying and having his own child about 5 years after they broke up. Not sure what I'm trying to say really As long as you keep the lines of communication open with your son and keep a good relationship with both him and her, then you will be well placed to observe and support your son if needed. You may want to include her and her child in family events. You definitely can't do anything to end the relationship - anything you say will just strengthen their relationship. But, acting completely normally and never being less than welcoming, as you would with a girl his age, invite her over.
I'd bet that if she starts to see your son in the context of his age appropriate family relationships, she might begin to realize how young he is. If the only place they are spending time together is her apartment, she may not see his age in the way he interacts with the world. Also seeing his teenage boy room might wake her up.
Worst case scenario if you get to know her is that you have a good relationship with someone important to your son and you can be there when needed. It never hurts to take the high road. You know your son.
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Is this negatively affecting him? My parents always knew when a girlfriend of mine was bad for me regardless of age.
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Also will this lady have a relationship with you at all? Have them over for dinner and stuff If that's so, he may "outgrow" her, if it doesn't end for some other reason, as he matures. But whatever the reason, while it is kind of weird, if the woman isn't harming him or trying to take advantage in some way financially for example , this will just have be a learning experience for him, however it turns out. This is be sure to make sure she's not putting bills in his name or credit cards or something.
Don't frame it as she's a bad person frame it as let's talk about finances and how to keep you on track so you understand how to see this stuff. Some day he will want a shiny car. I would be happy he's happy and keep your fingers crossed it will burn out soon. I don't think there's a lot you can say to him, other than privately hope it won't last. But why a woman past thirty with the responsibility of a young child is dating a teenager: If this was a woman of with a child, that's an entirely different thing.
But this is a woman who should bloody well know better. She's over 30 with a child. She might not get all that much attention. I can see the appeal of having someone around to enjoy yourself with in her situation, age gap be damned. Old enough to sign a form that could put him on front line infantry. If society says it's OK to do that even though you may get blown up or have PTSD down the road, dating an older woman shouldn't result in a batted eyelash. The fact that he's old enough to be signed up as fodder for a war beyond his control doesn't mean he has the maturity or perspective of a man a decade or more older.
He has the right to have this relationship. I just think it's a huge red flag on the woman's side.
Older Men Who Like Younger Women Aren’t Creeps
Yeah, OP's son is only barely closer in age to the woman than her son. I'd be very worried that this woman is just using him as a pool boy, so to speak. If the son is ok with that arrangement, fine. I wouldn't want him to get blindsided, though. I'd be more worried she's not using him as a pool boy, so to speak, and is taking the whole thing quite seriously.
I'm 29 and the thought of dating an 18 year old a child in my eyes is not appealing. However trying to warn teenagers about anything is usually futile. Keep an eye on the situation, if you are really really concerned about his well being you will have to say something, but hopefully it will end of its own accord. One of my good female friends started dating her now-husband when he was an 18 year old virgin and she was almost We all thought it was the weirdest thing ever, but it worked good for them.
Not quite the same age difference, but met my husband when he was 24 and I was 18 and a virgin. Now we're married and have a kid together. Sometimes I tease him about dating an 18 year old, but we're in our 30s now and the age difference doesn't really make a difference. We both finished college, finished grad school, and have gone through the experience of parenting together, so even if there was an initial power imbalance there isn't anymore. If a 31 year old man or woman is interested in a kid, whether 17,18 or 19, there's huge red flags going off there.
This sounds like it has potential to not be a healthy relationship. They are in two very different places in life and the age difference gives her the upper hand just because she has more experience dating and with relationships. But if you say anything negative right now it's just going to drive him right into her arms. What you should do is listen to what he says about their relationship so you can get a feel for it.
And pay attention to what he isn't telling you. Sometimes the details that are left out are the most important ones. Make sure he knows that you just want him to have a relationship where he is happy and the other person treats him well. IF you see signs of her taking advantage of him or signs of her "grooming" him which happens a fair bit in relationships with an adult and a barely legal teen then you step up and start talking to him.
Make sure you don't attack her but say something like 'I have noticed this, this, and this lately and I was just wondering if everything is OK? Doesn't mean it can't work out, but he is going to be a very different person in 5 years than he is now, whereas she is going to change less dramatically over the same timeframe.
She has lived over an entire decade as a young adult, and he has barely left adolescence, if at all. That being said, he is old enough that there's not much OP can directly do about it, other than try to share their own perspective, and hope it works out for the best, however it works out. Yeah, 18 might not be true adulthood anymore, but the only way to gain experience is to make your own decisions and mistakes. Regardless of outcome, the kid is going to do a lot of growing up as a result of this relationship.